Sociotropy is a psychological trait whereby a person invests excessively in interpersonal relationships. This is often known as being a people-pleaser. Sociotropic people tend to seek out close relationships where they can confide in others. They also attempt to gain the support and approval of others on a regular basis.
What things might a sociotropic person tend to do?
- Feel guilty saying no to people.
- Do things they don’t want to do to make others happy.
- Neglect their own needs for the sake of others.
- Blame themselves and apologise when it’s not their fault.
- Agree with someone, even when they disagree, to avoid conflict.
- Constantly do things for others, to get their approval.
These behaviours often also manifest as perfectionism, for example, focusing on getting perfect grades.
What are the benefits of being sociotropic?
- Having close relationships can be very beneficial to mental health. Confiding in someone else can help work through difficult thoughts and feelings.
- Making others happy is often a sign of empathy and care for that person which can make relationships stronger.
Ultimately, there is nothing wrong with being kind, it is an essential part of community. However, the difficulty is when it comes at the cost of your mental and physical health.
Why might sociotropy be harmful?
- Lack of boundaries can leave you more vulnerable to being manipulated.
- It can lead to low self-worth, which can lead to depression and social anxiety.
- Relationships may weaken, due to feelings of there being a lack of authenticity from the sociotropic person, as they mask their feelings to please others
Tips for limiting sociotropic behaviours:
1: Find value in yourself, not in the opinions of others
- Remember: You are as important as the people you are trying to please and your happiness can come from yourself.
- No-one is perfect, that is the essence of being a human being, it does not make you less worthy of respect and love.
- Practice self-acceptance.
2: Be aware of your values and thoughts
- Reflect on what your own values are, for example, you don’t like it when people are dishonest.
- Reflect on what your likes and dislikes are, for example, you like hockey, but you dislike hiking.
- Commit to being more authentic to these values and likes/dislikes.
- Knowing what your values are allows you to create clearer boundaries.
3: Practise saying no
- Start small and work your way up.
- Remember, no is a full sentence.
- Be polite, but firm.
- Do not apologise for saying no.
- Set clear and firm boundaries.
- Avoid making excuses for your feelings.
4: Try rejection therapy
- Accept:
- That you cannot please everyone.
- That you will inevitably make mistakes.
- Sit with the discomfort, do not try to avoid it.
- Know it doesn’t reflect your worth.
- Remember, you are not in charge of everyone else’s emotions.
5: Having boundaries ≠ not being kind
- It is good to be kind and empathetic.
- Recognise when:
- It becomes detrimental.
- Your boundaries are being overstepped.
- You are ignoring your own needs and/or values.
- Re-evaluate and say no if needed.
References:
BBC Science Focus (2025) ‘How To Limit Your People Pleasing Behaviour’ ’, 11 November, p. 58. Found at: https://pressreader.com/article/282308211333017
by Becca Cordina 🔬
STAART Graduate
